"Church Hurt"

I have heard too many stories of people hurt by the church. Stories of betrayal, abuse, rejection, judgment, and hurt. I've seen friends and family turn away from the church because of the hurt they've experienced and, in turn, lose all faith in God and His goodness. I, myself, have experienced hurt by the church. I have been told that the calling God has for my life won't come to pass, I've been told the ministry I've dedicated to the Lord is unbiblical and sinful, I've been talked about behind my back, and I've known a lot of people who have misrepresented the name of God and what it means to be His people.

If you have been hurt by the church, I want to start by saying I’m so sorry. I’m sorry that what was supposed to be a safe space turned out to be a dry and weary desert. I’m sorry that God’s unconditional love has been illustrated as one that is conditional. I’m sorry that the pain and hurt you’ve experienced have pushed you away from a God that views you as priceless in His sight. And I’m sorry that people claiming to represent God were a better reflection of their own brokenness rather than their Healer.

"Church hurt" is something that isn't talked about enough. You see, people are so afraid of painting the church in a bad light that it tends to be shut out altogether. The toxicity and abuse tend to be swept under the rug because people think the church needs to be protected. But let me remind you, God doesn’t need our protection. We are called to point out areas of sin in the church so that it might reflect God’s original design. That being said, I believe when we don't talk about what church hurt actually is and approach it from a biblical point of view, it closes the door to any sort of conversation about what is actually going on. While abuse in any public place is all too common today, it’s, also, important to note that we are living in a world that is very quick to label anything as abuse, discrimination, or injustice. As a result, sometimes what we label as abuse isn’t always the case. Nonetheless, the church should be a place of healing. The church should be a place of growth. The church should be a place where people are built up and equipped to go and make disciples. While, yes, the church should be a place where sin is addressed, it should be a place without judgment. The church should be a place where people can find refuge from their sinful past while encouraging them to be more like Christ.

I think when talking about church hurt, it is important to go back to God's original intentions for His church. Acts 2:42 gives us insight into this. It reads, "They devoted themselves to the apostles' teaching and fellowship, to the breaking of bread and the prayers." So based on this, we know that the church should teach biblical doctrine, provide a place for fellowship, observe the Lord's supper, and pray. The church should be a place where Christians can instruct each other (Romans 15:14), be kind and compassionate to one another (1 Thess. 5:11), and love one another (1 John 3:11). Beyond that, the church is called to proclaim the gospel of salvation through Jesus Christ and be a light to all nations. In 1 Corinthians 12:12-27, Paul illustrates that the church is God's hands and feet to the world, the body of Christ. We are called to follow the path Jesus has laid out before us as closely as possible. The church is called to be "Christians", meaning Christ-like and Christ-following.

Anyone with experience in the church will admit that many people in it don’t follow God's ordinances. In fact, almost everyone in the church has been hurt by someone in it at one point or another. The people who were supposed to love you failed you, the people who represented God talked badly about you, the people you trusted betrayed you... the list goes on and on. The church has hurt me, yet I still believe in the value of the church. However, I don't put my hope in the church. I put my hope in God. I support the church, and I love the church. I believe in God's beautiful design for the church. I may not be able to trust everyone in the local church, but they are not supposed to be my refuge, anyways. My place of refuge is reserved for the Lord, and when I am in His company, I am safely hidden in Him.

Sometimes church hurt can be a bit misunderstood, so let’s take a look at what it is not. Church hurt is not when a Bible-believing church that is genuinely seeking to share the gospel disagrees with you on something, and then you walk away from that church or the church altogether. That isn't church hurt, that is spiritual immaturity. In addition, sometimes what we label as "church hurt" is actually just personal conflict. We don't like one or two people we interacted with and now we don't like the church altogether. On another note, some people mistakenly equate their pastor to the word of God. So, when the teacher messes up, they assume God did too. Then they begin to question their whole belief system. The word of God is infallible, the pastor is not. The word of God is perfect, Christians are not. Finally, church hurt is not when a brother or sister in Christ calls you out in love for the sin they notice in your life. As I mentioned in a previous blog (check it out here), emotional distress doesn't always equal injustice. The fact is, no one likes hearing they are doing something wrong, but sometimes it's the most loving thing we can do. Accountability isn't abuse and calling people to righteousness isn't controlling. It's Biblical.

All that to be said, I want to make it clear that I believe church hurt is a very real thing that needs to be addressed. I know some of you come from churches where you were hurt, lied to, abused, and shamed. The rates of abuse in the church are staggering, and it's no wonder why we see the world collectively turning away from it. However, I do believe this to be true: The church is not what actually hurt you. Why? Because the church is a part of God's perfect design. Yet, imperfect people in the church can and will hurt you. Church was a part of God's ordinances. While He is sometimes saddened and disappointed by the church's behavior, the Bible tells us that God loves and protects His church (Ephesians 5:25). Even though His people don't always behave the way they should, don't judge God's design by the way His people fail at executing it.

As Christians, it is so important that we are living in accordance with God’s Word as best we can so that we might know and recognize sinful behavior in ourselves and the leadership around us. When we know what a Christ-like leader is supposed to look like, we can better recognize when a leader is corrupt. It is our job to identify any corruption within the church and sweep it out. However, the only way we do that is by first identifying any corruption within ourselves.

Church is a place of broken people. A community that comes together and acknowledges that everyone here is a work in progress. But to demand that you get grace before God and no one else in the church does, leaves you in a place of self-righteousness. To punish Jesus because a Christian didn't live up to your standards is a dangerous place to stand before a holy and perfect God. The fact is, you don't know where someone has come from in their journey, but if you want grace along your journey, grant it to others too. We are Christians because of the gospel, not because the people who say they're Christians are always likable. Have you ever met a Christian you don't like? I'll be the first to raise my hand. The reality is, the church has always needed correcting. I mean, look at all the letters Paul writes to various churches to help them grow and correct their mistakes. The only difference is, now we have social media so whenever the church messes up, they are immediately canceled by the world.

Grace is a hard thing to give someone, especially when hurt has hardened your heart. I’m not saying to grant those who hurt you an excuse, but I am saying to let go of the hurt because it’s only doing more damage to yourself. This will take time and a lot of prayer, but the enemy often uses the people closest to you to do the most damage. Whatever your experience has been in the church, the enemy is using it to keep you as far as he can from the joy and healing you can receive in Christ.

Think of it this way, the disciples didn't bail on Jesus because of Judas. Judas betrayed Jesus and the rest of the disciples by turning Him into the authorities. The disciples didn't bail on Jesus when Peter denied Him 3 times. Why? Their eyes were on Jesus. They weren't looking around at each other and losing faith because the people around them were inconsistent. As humans, we will always be inconsistent, broken, and flawed. So, if you have been hurt by the church, don't allow it to impact your view of The Creator. When you buy a piece of artwork and it turns out to be a fake copy of the original, you don't blame the original artist. You blame the person who copied it and sold it to you. When you're at the doctor's and the receptionist messes up your appointment, you don't blame the doctor. You blame the receptionist representing the doctor. The same can be said about the church. When the church hurts you, blame the brokenness of those individuals, not God and the church as a whole.

Almost everyone has been hurt by the church in one way or another. The church is made up of hurt people and sometimes hurt people, hurt people. This is exactly why we can't use people as the standard. We need to use Jesus as the standard, always. If you are in a church that is toxic, teaching against biblical truths, or just bad, please find a different one. But by all means, don't give up on the church altogether. Find a church that works for you and then be a part of the solution, not part of the problem.

May your roots run deep, and your faith remain strong! As always, Stay Rooted, my friends! <3