Grocery Shopping for Love: A Biblical Guide to Navigating Relationships

Anyone who has ever gone grocery shopping knows the worst time to go is when you are hungry. As you walk through the store you smell the freshly made chicken, you can taste the homemade mac and cheese in the deli, and every dessert catches your eye. You end up buying way more than you came for and spending twice as much as you would've normally. The worst part is that you end up coming home with a bunch of stuff you didn't need and are never going to eat.

The world of dating is very similar. So many are going into the world hungry and they're bringing all kinds of stuff home that they never would've if they were in the same mind. They end up paying twice as much in hurt and trauma and getting things they never wanted. Many never thought they would end up where they are now. Dating is a complex topic, especially within Biblical bounds. So today, I want to share my thoughts and wisdom on dating based on biblical ideas and personal experiences.

The culture of today tells us that being single is bad. However, let me make this blatantly clear. Singleness is not a problem and it's not a disease. It can actually be a blessing. It is completely okay to be single, and it is okay to remain single. Look at Paul. He did incredible things for the Gospel's sake all while remaining single his entire life. We tend to think that our lives are incomplete until we find someone, or we are waiting to start our lives until we meet that person. However, if you are single today and you are reading this, I want to tell you that God has a purpose and a call on your life. You should continue to create a life that is built on Christ so that if someone comes along, it's just a bonus. Every relationship is designed to be an added blessing, not a desperate necessity. Because of Christ, our lives are already complete; we don't need relationships to complete us. The key to contentment in the dating world is not having something outside of ourselves. The reality is, that everything you need to live a content life is already in your possession because of Christ in you.

If you are in a dating relationship, don't fall for the lie that God will make you lose the love of your life. If a person leaves your life because you're putting God first, then let them leave. The only way to truly love someone is by knowing The One who created it. You have to know God to understand what love is. This is why God is meant to be first in our relationships because if you don't know God, you can't know love. How do we know this? 1 John 4: 7-8 reads, "Beloved, let us love one another, for love is of God; and everyone who loves is born of God and knows God." Marriage was made to complement us, not complete us. Being in a relationship will never solve our problems. Oftentimes, we use relationships to bury our problems further down inside us and we never heal from what broke us. Relationships don't fix us, more often they magnify the problems within us. Only God completes you and often times God won't bless you with a partner until you've discovered that wholeness in Him. In whatever season you are in, perhaps you need to make that your prayer.

I grew up in the Midwest, and the weather changed all the time. One day it'll be snowing and 30 degrees outside, and the next day it will be 70 degrees and sunny. I always find it crazy how fast a season can change. A few weeks before my current boyfriend and I started dating, I took a lot of time praying and surrendering my desire for a relationship before God. During that prayer, I felt a shift and was given a glimpse into my future. Three weeks later, I met the man to whom I have full confidence God has sent for me. If you are in a season of singleness, take this time to work on yourself and let God show you the areas of your life that you need to work on. It is amazing what happens around you when you stop trying to do things your way and start doing them God's way. Trust God in this season and know that His timing is perfect. In a world with skyrocketing divorce rates, it is evident that the only thing worse than being sick of being single is being sick of being married.

Take a look at the story of Ruth and Boaz in chapter two of Ruth. Ruth was doing her responsibility by gathering food for her mother-in-law when she just so happened to end up in the field belonging to Boaz. She happened upon someone she wasn't even looking for. Boaz finds her, he wasn’t out desperately searching for a partner. She was just fulfilling her responsibility given to her and God gave her a partner when she least expected it. I've heard so many stories similar to the story of these two. My story is the same. I met my partner as soon as I stopped looking. I went to a camp to lead worship because God called me there, and it just so happened God called my, now, boyfriend there at the exact same time. There were a million reasons we shouldn't have met. If we had met even a year sooner, we wouldn't have been ready for each other. God, in His timing, was absolutely perfect. Just like Ruth, God granted me the most beautiful blessing after I laid my desires for a relationship at His feet and when I least expected it.

Before I met my boyfriend, I posted a humorous video talking about my top 5 red flags in men. They consisted of silly things like if they drove a Ford F-150 or if they didn't like coffee. Though truth be told, we often struggle to distinguish actual red flags in our relationships. I want to give you 5 Biblically-based red flags to keep in mind in your personal lives. Number 1: They have no long-term commitments. There is a very big difference between being in a season of transition and their whole lives being stuck in a cycle of short-term commitments. Ecclesiastes 5:5 tells us, "It is better not to make a vow than to make one and not fulfill it”. We have all met people who have issues making commitments. It is essential that we analyze people's life patterns. A few warning signs in this area may be they have no long-term friendships, they have never had any sort of long-term relationship, or they haven't been able to hold down a job for any significant amount of time. While these aren't always signs of an inability to commit, they are things to look into.

Second: They have anger issues. It is so important that you watch how they treat people who can do nothing for them. Watch how they respond in customer service situations or how they treat a waiter at a restaurant. Are they quick to apologize or quick to point blame away from them? I want to stress that joking or belittling language is far from harmless. It may not have an impact on you now, but over the course of years, it will slowly beat you down. James 1:19-20 says, "...Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry because human anger does not produce the righteousness that God desires."

Third: They are controlling. How do they respond when you do the opposite of what they wanted you to do? Oftentimes, this causes fear in the hearts of the receiving individual, but the Bible tells us that perfect love casts out fear. It is essential that all relationships are built on a sense of trust with one another. Fourth: They have patterns of conflict. Being controlling is often a pattern of conflict in and of itself. Often these are individuals who have become addicted to chaos based upon past trauma, and this causes conflict or drama. If you're anything like me, I have a habit of trying to fix the brokenness of people around me. However, I've learned that it isn't my job to fix everyone especially if it means enduring any kind of mistreatment. God is the only person who can 100% succeed in the role of healing. These people often don't see anything wrong with themselves and fail to take ownership of anything they have done.

Fifth: They aren't spiritually aligned with you. I can't stress this enough! Do not date to convert. Let them be converted, then date if that's where God leads you. When we try to convert people while dating them, we end up making compromises in our faith. In Matthew 12, Jesus tells us, "Every kingdom divided against itself will be ruined, and every city or household divided against itself will not stand." Building a relationship upon a difference of values and beliefs will continue to crack until it comes shattering down around you.

So many of us are just dating anybody instead of being intentional with whom we give our time. We get wrapped up dating people who take us from God, rather than taking us to God. So often, we date not according to our destiny given by God, but according to our depression. As a result, we dim our light just to find acceptance from the person we're dating. However, perhaps it is time to blow that fuse, turn up your light, and stop being afraid to admit what you believe. And yeah, I know I might have just ruined your Friday night because now you have to text that person and say, "Hey, something came up. Sorry." But you and I both know that we don’t have the time to spend it wasted on people who don’t value us or bring us closer to God. Can I get an Amen?

All that to be said, here's what I want to leave you with no matter what your relationship status may be. If God can remove something from your life that you never dreamed of losing, trust him to bring something better into your life that you could never even imagine. Do you really think that God looked at you and that person and said, "Wow, that's their soulmate. They're perfect for each other and they're so happy. Let me just take that away." No. God would never take something away from you that was truly meant for you. When God takes something away from you, it's because He has something better in store to replace it. So, take heart, keep praying, and watch how God will deliver you to what is meant for you.

May your roots run deep, and your faith remain strong! As always, Stay Rooted, my friends! <3