Redeeming Love: Navigating Heartbreak

Valentine's Day can bring up a lot of loneliness, past hurt, and trauma. I heard so many friends over the years express how hard it is to celebrate love and romance when all it's ever done for them is break them. Learning how to love again after getting hurt is one of the hardest things someone can go through. Imagine yourself jumping into the middle of the ocean when you’re wounded and surrounded by sharks. Logically, it makes no sense as to why someone would jump in the infested water knowing that there is a possible danger of being eaten or drowning. You are already experiencing deep hurt and don’t want to risk being hurt more. I remember feeling like this in the past. I was terrified to give my heart to someone again out of fear they would break it too. My biggest fear at that moment was love, itself.

If you are experiencing this aftermath of heartbreak or abuse, I want to make sure you know something: Love didn’t hurt you, a person not knowing how to love did. I said earlier that it makes no sense for someone to jump into infested water to risk getting hurt worse, but jumping in makes more sense if they are trying to reach a beautiful and safe destination. I had to choose to give love another chance, but I couldn't do so until I had witnessed and come to know God's love. As humans, God didn’t design us to be alone. That’s why He made Eve for Adam. It is natural for us to long for that kind of love. But what do you do when your longing for love is met with an overwhelming fear of getting hurt?

1 John 4:18 says, “There is no fear in love [dread does not exist]. But perfect (complete, full-grown) love drives out fear, because fear involves [the expectation of divine] punishment, so the one who is afraid [of God’s judgment] is not perfected in love [has not grown into a sufficient understanding of God’s love].” God is the creator of love, and He is love. To begin to understand love the way God intended it, we need to look at God, Himself.

            Right before 1 John 4:18, in verse 16, John tells us that “God is love.” Which means without love, God wouldn’t be… well, God. It’s like saying ice is cold. Ice cannot, not be cold. It’s not possible. Ice is defined by the characteristic of being cold. If it wasn’t cold, it’d just be water. The same can be said about love and God. Love is an inseparable part of God’s character that defines who He is. Since we also know God to be everlasting and unfailing, His love is that, also.  His love manifests itself in many ways, the most prominent being the gift of His Son. The idea of our eternal separation and suffering because of our sin was so unbearable to Him because of His boundless love for us, that He took on flesh and suffered death in the most awful and shameful way imaginable. God’s love is perfect and casts out all anxiety, all questions, and all suspicions. John goes on to describe that “love comes from God.” That means that wherever there is true love in the world, it is evidence of the existence and character of God. Given the truth in all this, could it even be possible God's kind of love, hurt you? Or could it be a person who didn’t know the love of God committed damage in His name?

God’s love for us is clearly defined in the Bible. There are various kinds of love talked about in God’s word. For example, the same love we have for coffee is not the same kind of love we have for our family (at least I hope it’s not). The love for our family shouldn’t be the same as the love we have for Jesus. The word agape is the word we see translated to the love God has for us. This kind of love is not only an unconditional and endless kind of love but a sacrificial love. We see this sacrificial love in the act of Jesus dying on the cross to grant us salvation. 1 Corinthians 13 is a roadmap for agape love and how we should execute it in every relationship we have.

In this passage, love is described as patient, kind, not envious, not boastful, not proud, not dishonoring, not self-seeking, not easily angered, rejoices in truth, protective, trustworthy, hopeful, persevering, and never failing. While I encourage you to take a close look at what the Bible says about each of these traits, let's dive into a couple together.

First, love is patient. If you have been in any sort of relationship, I think you can agree that a lot of patience is required. Patience does not always mean agreeing with the other, but patience is being able to respect them, listen to them, and compromise to move past the problem. This could look like your partner being patient with you when you spend an hour getting ready to go out, or you being patient as your significant other plays video games and enjoys personal time. Patience is the key to working through a hard day or a personal struggle. It is needed in all our relationships and is a vital aspect of agape love.

Next, love is kind. Kindness is being compassionate, thoughtful, and understanding for another. For a while, I thought kindness was making other people happy. While this is part of it and perhaps the goal of kindness, kindness does not mean dismissing your boundaries and disrespecting your needs for the satisfaction of another.  Kindness should not come from a place of hoping to receive something in return but from a place of selflessness because of your love for them. This could be something as simple as leaving a nice note for someone, buying them dinner, or just letting them know they are seen and appreciated. Kindness is all about making someone feel special and loved. We should seek to be kind always because our acts of kindness may be the only glimpse someone sees of our Heavenly Father. Kindness is contagious and we, as Christians, should spread it everywhere we go.

  Envy has no place in love. Today, jealousy is often interpreted as a sign of affection or safeguarding one's relationship. However, the agape love of God is devoid of envy. It's crucial to differentiate between protective behavior and jealousy. Building trust between you and your partner is a vital aspect of a healthy relationship. Establishing mutually agreed-upon boundaries is essential to honor the relationship you are in. Nevertheless, these boundaries should never morph into controlling measures or isolate you from other meaningful relationships. If someone expresses interest in your partner, view it as a testament to their beauty and the strength of your relationship. How your partner responds to such advances is beyond your control.

Overall, the world today tries to tell us that love is so many other things than how God describes it. The more we come to know and recognize who God is, the more we can see "love" for what it really is. As we navigate heartbreak and new relationships, it is important to anchor ourselves in the unwavering and unchanging love of God. Despite our past hurts, we must remember that love itself is not the enemy. As you delve deeper into God's love, you will discover a love that is patient, kind, and sacrificial, a kind of love that casts out fear and empowers us to love others the same way. By studying and embracing God's love, we can better navigate our relationships with confidence, seek partners who reflect God's character, and share in the commitment to root their lives in Christ. So, may you embark on a new journey, guided by the steadfast love of the Lord, knowing that in Him, you can find the courage to love again.

May your roots run deep, and your faith remain strong! As always, Stay Rooted, my friends! <3