The Boiling Waters of Anger

Have you ever noticed that you can't see your reflection in boiling water? The water is far too busy and bubbly to get a clear path of sight. The steam flows up and dries out your eyes making it impossible to see. Only once the water settles can you begin to see your reflection once again. Similarly, humans often fail to see the truth when consumed by anger. It's only when the anger settles that we can see situations as they really are. 

Anger is something that is discussed pretty frequently in the Bible. Anger, in itself, isn't wrong. It all depends on what we do with it. James 1:19 says, "Let everyone be quick to hear, slow to speak, and slow to anger.” James isn't simply saying to not be angry. That's almost impossible. He's saying not to be quick-tempered. Paul wrote to the church in Ephesus, "Be angry, and yet do not sin; do not let the sun go down on your anger . . .” (Ephesians 4:26). As Christians, we are allowed to feel angry as long as that anger doesn't cause us to sin against others. That's the hard part. So, how do we deal with anger in a way that's honorable to God? 

First, the Bible tells us to restrain our anger. Proverbs 29:11 says, "Fools vent their anger, but the wise quietly hold it back.” Scripture isn't telling us that the wise bury their anger, but rather, the wise control it and how it is expressed. Next, Christians should re-examine their anger and the root cause of it. As said in James 1:19, God handles anger by being slow to it. In some cases, we need to let our anger roll off our backs instead of internalizing it. When we stop and re-examine what a person said or did, we often discover that anger is not needed. Perhaps, we realize a person didn't intentionally mean to do us harm or that their actions were more of a reflection of them than you. Just like we can't see our reflection in boiling water, we often fail to see the depth of a situation when we are angry. 

I remember when I was cheated on for the first time during my freshman year of high school. I was furious and devastated all wrapped into one. Yet, I knew that if I were to talk to that guy and tell him what I knew right after I found out, it would have just been word vomit or me trying to speak through my tears, neither of which would've made any sense. So, I decided I would wait until the next day to say anything to him. I waited until I was calm and collected and knew exactly what I needed to say and how to say it. When he approached me the next morning, I calmly called things off with him and left it at that. I remember him asking me later why I was so nice to him at that moment when he had done something so terrible. Through that, I was able to share my faith with him. Why was I able to be so nice while being so hurt? I knew what he did wasn't a reflection of anything I did. I knew he was broken and in need of saving only God could bring. I knew my value in Christ, and I chose to rest in that, rather than the identity that boy tried to give me through his actions. 

The third part of handling anger in God's way is releasing it. Colossians 3:8 says, "But now you must also rid yourselves of all such things as these: anger, rage, malice, slander, and filthy language from your lips." Dealing with anger in God's way requires feeling it and releasing it safely and honorably. Sometimes this looks like journaling, venting to God, or talking to an innocent third party where no one is harmed. We are called to rid our hearts of anger, and God is the best way to do so. He has the power to rid your heart of any pain or malice. The question is whether we are willing to release our hold on it and allow God's resolution to be enough for us. 

When we find ourselves in a state of intense anger or always blowing up, this is usually a sign that something else is going on in our hearts. Finding the source of our anger is a wonderful way to figure out how to manage it and resolve it. Often, there are some past experiences and beliefs that need to be addressed. For example, I know when people are two-faced, I tend to get very angry. Why? Because I've been hurt by a lot of people who acted one way to my face and another way to other people. So, whenever I see a person acting that way, I recall my past pain and connect it to the present. 

All that to be said, forgiveness can be an incredible thing. Forgiveness is meant to benefit our own hearts more than it benefits the person we are forgiving. When we learn to forgive, it grants us peace. Forgiveness means releasing the hold our hurt and anger have on us which proves to be an essential part of our healing journey. Just because we pray to forgive someone doesn't guarantee that we will feel any different toward them when we see them next. Forgiveness is not how you feel about someone, it's how you treat someone. This is why we need to be in constant prayer that God will heal our hearts and for the person who angered us. It's extremely hard to stay mad at someone that you are praying for regularly. 

I want to end with this: Grace isn't meant for those deserving of it. If it was, God would've never sent His sent to die for us. Often the thing we believe makes our anger response okay is the very thing we are called to forgive. Forgiving is surrendering your hold on bitterness and releasing anger. As humans, anger is easy. It's our default setting. But love? Love is difficult. Love is something miraculous. Love is what we were made for. 

May your roots run deep, and your faith remain strong! As always, Stay Rooted, my friends! <3